I look better un-naked...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
