Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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