That's intense
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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