he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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