At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
