so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
