none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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