and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
