dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
