you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
