All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
