so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
