His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
