The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
