Already got asked if we're dating
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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