So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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