She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
