and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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