I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
