so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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