If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
