He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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