it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
