i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
