And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm just crazy horny about you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
