is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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