Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he shaved USA in his pubs
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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