Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
