i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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