you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He felt like a one man threesome
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
