I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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