Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
