my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
