Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
