I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
