I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
