When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Two words: blizzard sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
