i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
