4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
In America we eat man semen.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
