Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
