So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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