The maid of honor just puked.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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