My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
