Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
