Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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