You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
