I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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