I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
