can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
