i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
