Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
