I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
