does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
